Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
