update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
