Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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