some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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