you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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