Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's rum buckets o'clock
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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