my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
