Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
