I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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