o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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