I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
