you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
