I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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