Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
