You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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