I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
