Kareoke will never be a sober sport
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
