FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I have fence marks all over my body
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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