just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
