"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
