Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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