yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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