wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
