Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
