I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
