everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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