Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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