I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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