just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
