Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
