i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
