These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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