bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
