White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he was CRYING into my vagina
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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