I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
