I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
