she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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