the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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