sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
