I must be too annoying 4 u.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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