I'm so fucking centered right now
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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