so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
