It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
