Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
