So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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