the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
