I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
