Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
