theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
