the day after is always just damage control
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
