I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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