can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
why does every cop we meet know your name?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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