I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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