Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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