I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
