I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
