i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
